Recipe for a Cross-Country Skier
Dec 3rd, 2009
By Bronwyn Allan
In order to satisfy people's curiosity of what cross-country skiers are made of, I have formulated the Recipe for a Cross-Country Skier. I have included the ingredients I believe are necessary for the perfect skier. Of course these ingredients and instructions are merely suggestions but hopefully you will achieve desired results.
• 1 Skier - Must be fit, toned and good-looking
• 1-2 Coaches - Preferably Swedish or French with an earring
• 1 Great Team - Works best if they are loud, annoying and also good-looking
• 8-10 Ski Venues - Should have at least 80km of trails and 5 feet of snow
• 1 Ton of Equipment - Including skis, poles and boots
• 2 or More Spandex Suits - A legit one-piece is necessary
• 3 Intense Rollerski Scars
• 2 Tablespoons of Focus
• 1 ½ Cups of Determination
• 1 Ounce of Talent
• A pinch of Humor
Take 1 skier and patiently combine 1-2 Coaches. Mix thoroughly until there is a good blend. Add 1 ounce of talent and whip the skier into shape. Slowly add in the equipment, until approximately 20 pairs of skis materialize. Next take your Great Team and crush in until the mixture thickens and sticks together. In a separate pot, simmer your focus and determination until they boil over. At this point, thoroughly cover your skier with the hot mix until coated. Let cool in -30º temperatures. Now peel off the top, frostbitten layer and add 2 or more spandex suits. Let steep. Spread thickly over 8-10 ski venues until real potential emerges. Re-hydrate your skier as often as needed. Grind in 3 intense rollerski scars, preferably where they will be seen. Finally, season your skier with a pinch of humor until desired wittiness is achieved. Let concoction sit for 30 years until its peak will be reached.